Human Relations

HANDLING PERSONAL ISSUES:Self-Defeating Behaviour, Positive attitude to tackle personal problems

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Human Relations­ MGMT611
Lesson 10
Self-Defeating Behaviour
ˇ  In today's increasingly complex social and economic environment, most people have to overcome
personal behaviour as they influence their personal and work life. When personal problems are
under control, care prospects improve. Personal satisfaction improves.There are many sources of
personal problems and these sources need to be identified for their effective solutions and also to
avoid such problems in future. The professional success is greatly influenced by personal problem,
the issues and situations. Most personal problems are usually the creation of your own. They
emerge through self-defeating attitudes and behaviours.
Self-Defeating Attitude
ˇ  Self-defeating attitude is a tendency to act in such a way that one's behaviour works against his/her
own interests, either intentionally or unintentionally.
ˇ  Feelings of helpless and apathetic attitude are examples. Such attitudes kill initiative and action.
Why engage in self-defeating attitude
ˇ  The major factor behind self-defeating attitude and behavior is a negative thinking.
ˇ  Some people act towards damaging their careers and falling short of their potentials. They create
ˇ  The simplest explanation for self-defeating behavior is that some people suffer from personal
attributes that promote self-defeating or self-damage.
ˇ  Self-defeating is a kind of belief that put people on the path of self-damaging.
ˇ  If a person attains an erroneous belief, it will create conditions for failure. For example, perceiving
a wrong reason for a problem can result in self-defeating tendency.
ˇ  Give `isolation' as an example.
ˇ  A negative and self-defeating attitude destroys all hope of career success. A positive and proactive
attitude guarantees that.
Self-defeating behaviours
Unrealistic expectations
Fear of stating ones point of view
Fear of intimacy
Negative attitude
Fear of commitment
Fear of expressing deep feelings
Fear of rejection
Inability to say "no"
Extreme nervousness
Fear of taking a test
Waste time
Fear of death
Poor Planning
Excessive daydreaming
People pleasing
Fear of being oneself
Fear of success
Excessive guilt
Unrealistic mistrust
Losing temper
Alienation from others
Positive attitude
A positive attitude gives you the power and confidence to approach every situation with the expectation
that you will ultimately find the right thing to do -- and then do it.
If a person starts enjoying isolation, it will be self-defeating
Human Relations­ MGMT611
Your ATTITUDE, enthusiasm and self-confidence is critical to personal and professional success. A
winning attitude energizes your mission, transforming raw potential into power. Believe in yourself and your
1. Attitude
2. Enthusiasm
3. Self-Confidence
4. Future Success isn't Limited by Past Failures
ˇ  Because you have the deep-seated belief that you can achieve anything you want, an endless series of
possibilities open up for you -- creating real opportunities for advancement.
ˇ  Future success isn't limited by past failures -- but by your willingness to take the right actions -- right
Strategies to overcome Self-Defeating:
1. Examine Yourself and Make the Necessary Changes: A good starting point in attitude analysis is to
look for patterns in one's setbacks or failures. People can change attitudes and behaviours.
2. Stop Blaming Others for Your Problems and Cursing Fate: Projecting blame onto others is self-
defeating because doing so relieves a person from most of the responsibility for his or her setbacks and
failures. When things go wrong, instead of cursing fate, fight back and create your own destiny.
3. Solicit Feedback on Your Actions: Feedback is essential for monitoring whether a person is sabotaging
his or her career or personal life. Listening to spontaneous comments and soliciting feedback are both
4. Learn from Criticism: To ignore valid criticism can be self-defeating. Suggestions for benefiting from
criticism include:
(1) See yourself at a distance;
(2) Ask for clarification and specifics;
(3) Decide on a response (for example, apologize to or thank the criticizer).
5. Stop Denying the Existence of Problems: Many people sabotage their careers because they deny the
existence of a problem, and therefore do not take appropriate action. Denial hides a painful reality.
6. Visualize Self-Enhancing Behavior: To apply visualization, the person programs himself or herself to
overcome self-defeating actions and behaviors. The person then visualizes coming out a winner in a
challenging situation.
Positive attitude to tackle personal problems
ˇ  Expect success rather than fear failure.
ˇ  Focus on solutions rather than remain stuck in the problem.
ˇ  Speak and act with enthusiasm.
ˇ  Enjoy life with a positive attitude and a passion for the future.
ˇ  Gain the surge of energy that accompanies a positive mental attitude.
ˇ  Lift up the spirits and inspire others when they are down.
ˇ  Overcome obstacles or defeat with a renewed positive attitude.
ˇ  Say "YES to each new challenge as it presents itself.
ˇ  You learn from error and defeat
ˇ  Think like an employer.
ˇ  Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.
Personal well-being
ˇ  Lack of personal well-being is an important personal problem people usually face. Here personal well-
being refers to mental and social adjustment/comfort. Harmonious social relations promote personal well-
ˇ  In other words, harmonious social relations enhance your mental energy. It also keeps you healthy both
physically and mentally.
Common Personal Problems
Human Relations­ MGMT611
1. Drug Abuse
2. Internet Dependence
3. Coping with Loss of Relationship
3. Absenteeism and Lateness
4. Depression and Neurological Disorders
5. Coping with Anger
Some personal problem
Drug Abuse
The health effects and personal life consequences of abusing both illegal and prescription drugs.
All drugs may have serious side effects (for example, Relaxants, Heroine).
a. Narcotics. A narcotic is a drug that dulls the senses, facilitates sleep, and is addictive with long-term use.
b. Depressants. A depressant is a drug that slows down vital body processes. Alcohol is a depressant.
c. Stimulants. A stimulant produces feelings of optimism and high energy.
Cocaine and diet pills are stimulants.
Getting Help for Drug Abuse Problems. Drug abusers, like alcohol abusers, can also perceive
their problem as a disease or maladaptive behavior thus directing their remedial strategy.
Internet Dependence
An Internet dependence (or addiction) is a condition whereby a person spends so much time on the
Internet that other work suffers and the person experiences sleep deprivation and neglects human contact.
A major personal problem many people encounter is the loss of a valued personal relationships, including
separation, divorce, or death. Loss of intimacy in a relationship is another significant type of loss. The
person who takes the initiative in terminating a relationship often has to cope with guilt. Ways of coping
with the loss of a relationship include:
ˇ  Be thankful for the good in the relationship
ˇ  Find new outlets for spare time
ˇ  Get ample rest and relaxation
ˇ  Pamper yourself
ˇ  Get emotional support
ˇ  Get out and go places
ˇ  Give yourself time to heal
ˇ  Anticipate a positive outcome
ˇ  Totality of relationship is not bad
ˇ  Absenteeism and lateness are the leading factors of employee discipline. They are a form of career self-
ˇ  As a rule of thumb, more than five latenesses and absences in a month constitute a problem.
ˇ  Maintaining control over absenteeism and laterness helps employers control costs. Following are
suggestions for developing the right mental set for developing an excellent record of attendance and
ˇ  Look upon your job as self-employment.
ˇ  Reward yourself for good attendance and punctuality and punish yourself for the opposite.
ˇ  Think through carefully the consequences if all company employees were absent and late frequently.
ˇ  Think of the consequences to coworkers if you are absent and late frequently.
Human Relations­ MGMT611
Disturbed emotions and brain malfunctioning can interfere with handling some aspects of job
responsibilities well.
1. Depression
ˇ  Depression is a widespread emotional disorder. The condition can drain energy and reduce
productivity and quality. As effectiveness decreases, the person's thinking, acting, and feeling
become more
ˇ  Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that develops during the hot and humid
season and disappears as the weather becomes pleasant.
2. General Anxiety
ˇ  Continuous worry about real and imagined problems to the point of negative functioning affects
significant proportion of population (an estimated 13 percent of the population).
ˇ  Anxiety is a feeling of distress or uneasiness caused by fear of an imagined problem.
3. Neurobiological Disorders
Personal problems on the job are often the result of neurobiological disorders, a quirk in the chemistry or
anatomy of the brain that creates a disability. The disabilities take the form of reduced ability to control
one's behavior, movements, emotions, or thoughts.
ˇ  Attention Deficit Disorder: People with this disorder (ADD) have difficulty concentrating that
may be accompanied by hyperactivity. High achieving adults with ADD often work extremely long
hours, jumping from one project to another.
ˇ  Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: People with this disorder (OCD) have uncontrollable and
recurring thoughts or behavior relating to an unreasonable fear.
ˇ  Narcolepsy: People with this disorder have uncontrollable sleepiness, even after receiving
adequate sleep.
Neurobiological disorders can be treated successfully with medication and a supportive environment at
home and on the job.
ˇ  Limited ability to deal with anger damages the career and personal life of many people.
ˇ  Anger is a feeling of extreme hostility or displeasure. Anger creates stress and results in
physiological changes such as enlarged pupils, and a flushed face.
ˇ  Workplace violence usually stems from anger.
ˇ  The ability to manage anger is an important interpersonal skill, now considered to be part of
emotional intelligence.
To manage anger, keep in mind the following:
(1) Anger can be an energizing force, and therefore constructive if properly channeled.
(2) Express your anger before it reaches a high intensity.
(3) As you are about to express anger, slow down.
(4) Ask for feedback about how well you are expressing your anger.
The problem of anger has become widespread. You can watch aggressive scenes on roads, in schools, at
home, and other places.
Table of Contents:
  1. HUMAN RELATIONS:Some Guidelines for Effective Human Relations, Communication has 3meanings
  2. CULTURE AND PERSONALITY:Definition of sub culture, Definition of Personality, Types of Persons
  4. PERCEPTION AND INDIVIDUAL BEHAVIOUR:Three concepts of personality, Bias in Perception
  5. PERCEPTION AND GROUP BEHAVIOR:Characteristics of Groups, Individual and Group Behavior
  6. ATTITUDE AND BEHAVIOUR:Types of Attitudes, Steps to turn attitude into action
  7. PERSONAL MOTIVATION AND ACHIEVEMENT:Needs and Motivation, Self-discipline and motivation
  8. SOLVING PROBLEMS SKILLFULLY:Problem solving and cognition, Ways to solve problems
  9. CREATIVITY IN PROBLEM SOLVING:Barriers to creativity, Tips to solve problems creatively
  10. HANDLING PERSONAL ISSUES:Self-Defeating Behaviour, Positive attitude to tackle personal problems
  12. COMMUNICATION AND HUMAN RELATIONS:Process of communication, Improving gender barriers to communication
  13. ORGANIZATIONAL COMMUNICATION:To improve listening skills, Types of organizational communication
  14. UNDERSTANDING COMMUNICATION STYLES:Modeling communication style, Sociability continuum
  15. SELF-ESTEEM:Building process of self-esteem, Self-esteem and public image
  16. BUILDING SELF-CONFIDENCE:The importance of self-confidence and self-efficacy, Balanced Self-Confidence:
  17. BECOMING A LEADER-1:Assessing leadership role, Traits and Characteristics of Effective Leaders
  18. BECOMING A LEADER-II:Theories of leadership, Developing leadership potential
  19. GLOBALIZATION AND CROSS-CULTURAL DIFFERENCES:Religious Values and Bicultural Identities
  20. IMPROVING CROSS-CULTURAL COMPETENCE:Strategies to improve cross-cultural relations, More steps to improve Cultural Relations
  21. BUILDING GOOD RELATIONS WITH MANAGERS:Impressing your manager, Coping with a problem manager
  22. BUILDING GOOD RELATIONS WITH CO-WORKERS:Make Co-workers feel important, Maintain Honest and Open Relationships
  23. BUILDING GOOD RELATIONS WITH CUSTOMERS:Salesperson Represents the Business, Approaching the Customer, Excuses vs. Objections
  24. CHOOSING A CAREER-1:Ten Myths about Choosing a Career, Attitude toward and Perceptions about Myself
  25. CHOOSING A CAREER-II:Choosing a career and developing a portfolio Career, Suggestions for career Preparation
  26. FINDING A JOB:Targeting your job search, The Internet and Résumé Database Services, Extreme Job Hunting
  27. SIGNIFICANCE OF RESUME:Major types of resumes, Electronic Submission of the Résumé
  28. IMPROVING INTERVIEW SKILLS:Successful interview, Knowing the employer or Organization
  29. IMPROVING WORK HABITS-1:Reasons of procrastination, Techniques for Reducing Procrastination
  30. IMPROVING WORK HABITS-2:Developing the proper attitudes and values, Time-management techniques
  32. TAKING CONTROL OF YOURSELF:Develop Outstanding Interpersonal Skills, Business etiquettes
  33. EXERTING CONTROL ON OUTSIDE ENVIRONMENT:Important communication tip, Exerting control over the outside world
  34. MANAGING PERSONAL FINANCES-1:Your personal financial plan, Steps in budget making
  35. MANAGING PERSONAL FINANCES-2:Basic investment principles, Tolerance for Investment Risks, Types of investments
  36. ACHIEVING HAPPINESS-1:Finding happiness and enhancing your personal life, The key to happiness
  37. ACHIEVING HAPPINESS-2:The Five Principles of Psychological Functioning, Your mind and Happiness
  38. ACHIEVING HAPPINESS-3:Need for intimacy, Working out issues with relationships
  39. APATHY AND ITS REMEDIES:Let us try to understand the various definitions of apathy, Coping strategies for apathy
  40. ENHANCING PERSONAL ETHICS-1:Influence of Culture, Common ethical problems
  41. ENHANCING PERSONAL ETHICS-2:Common ethical problems, Guidelines for Behaving Ethically
  42. HELPING OTHERS GROW:Being a Nurturing, Positive Person, A list of mentoring behaviour, Coaching skills and techniques
  43. REVIEW-I:What is a Human Relation?, Meanings of Communication, Two types of stress, Some personal problem, Communication style
  44. REVIEW-II:Steps to build self-confidence, Globalization, Building Good Relations with Co-workers, Good work habits
  45. REVIEW-III:New model of career advancement, Choosing your investment, Tactics for Dealing with Difficult People