Human Relations

ACHIEVING HAPPINESS-3:Need for intimacy, Working out issues with relationships

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Human Relations­ MGMT611
Lesson 38
Happiness, a state of joy, pleasure, goodness, or satisfaction.
Major source of happiness is in smooth relations with people, especially your spouse.
Albert camus
You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you
are looking for the meaning of life. Albert Camus
When you have once seen the glow of happiness on the face of a beloved person, you know that a man can
have no vocation but to awaken that light on the faces surrounding him; and you are torn by the thought of
the unhappiness and night you cast, by the mere fact of living, in the hearts you encounter. Albert
Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will
be successful. Happiness is something which everyone likes to achieve. To achieve happiness means to
create those environments or situations through which one succeeds in doing what one likes. This lecture
mainly focuses on the smooth and peaceful relationship with the family or spouse.
Need for intimacy
According to the theory of need for intimacy, love is an experience seated in the non-rational side of the
brain. People generally have a strong need for intimacy, love and affection. When someone is in love or in
affectionate relationship with someone, one feels secure and satisfied. Harry Stack Sullivan's definition of
love and affection is relevant here:
"When the satisfaction or security of another person becomes as significant to one as is one's own
satisfaction or security, then the state of true love exists." It means in a strong intimate relationship one
cares about other person's emotional needs and feelings.
A Biochemical Explanation of Attractiveness
According to the biochemical theory, our hormones direct us to sense or screen potential mates. After the
initial biochemical attraction, our conscious, psychological preferences come into play. The interests and
lifestyle preferences of the potential mate carry more weight after the initial attraction. While the
biochemical factors are at work, the brain is processing the external clues people use to measure sex appeal.
Among these factors are appearance, clothing, scent, body language, and voice.
A more specific explanation of attraction between people is based on the presence of pheromones. A person
who emits high doses of pheromones will attract more partners.
Conversely, we are physically attracted to people with high doses of pheromones. After the initial physical
attraction, other more rational factors are considered.
The Importance of choosing a spouse carefully
A study of 300 happy marriages revealed that the most frequently mentioned reason for such bliss was
having a generally positive attitude toward each other.
Working out issues with relationships
Families face frequent conflicts. Suggestions for resolving conflict with spouses include the following:
1. Listen carefully and give feedback. It is helpful to express feelings and show that you understand
the spouse's position.
2. Use more positive behaviors than negative behaviors during arguments. Some negative emotions
used in arguments are more toxic than others, including criticism and contempt.
Human Relations­ MGMT611
3. Define the real problem. Sometime problem arises when you really don't know the root cause of
the problem. Hence to avoid conflict try to find out the actual problem and try to solve it.
4. Don't hit below the belt. Trust is the key to intimate relationships. Be open, clear and
straightforward with each other.
5. Be prepared to compromise. In our patriarchal society, males always try to dominate. For a smooth
and healthy relationship both the spouses should try to compromise and understand each others'
position and point of view.
6. Minimize an accusatory tone. Accusing and blaming worsen the quality of the relationship. Try to
avoid the blame game.
7. Use e-mail as a substitute for face-to-face confrontations. Sometimes it is difficult to face your
spouse, under such circumstances you can use other ways of communication, e.g. writing a letter,
SMS or phone call etc.
8. Be agreeable when appropriate.
Early Warning Signs of a Relationship in Trouble
You know your relationship with your spouse is in trouble and in need of
revitalization when several or more of the indicators below are present.
You observe that you spouse has terrible table manners.
You perceive that you spouse is not as good as you thought previously.
The sound your spouse makes with his or her teeth annoys you.
Your conversation is confined to routine matters only; nothing new or
You spend progressively less time with the spouse.
You nitpick each other frequently.
Your frights are more frequent and last longer.
Small tokens of affection like taking out almost disappear (applicable to young
people, mostly.
Your rarely mention good things about your spouse to other people.
You look for an opportunity to spend time with your friends, watching television
surfing the Internet rather than with your partner.
Source: DuBrin, Andrew J. `Human Relations: Career and Personal Success', Pearson Prentice Hall, 2005.
Meeting the challenges of being a two-income family
Double-earner families are increasing at a fast pace. As the number of couples in which both partners have
full-time jobs is increasing, complexity among the families' relationships is also increasing. Organizational
support systems can play important role to reduce work-family conflicts. Following are suggestions that
couples themselves can implement to increase the chances of a two-income household running more
1. Establish priorities and manage time carefully. Sometime the career of one of the spouses might be
more important than the other. This sort of issues can be prioritized by mutual understanding and
2. Deal with feelings of competitiveness. This feeling can harm the relationship.
Human Relations­ MGMT611
3. Share big decisions equally. Many a times conflicts arise due to not sharing the big decisions of life
by the spouses. One should always take one's spouse in confidence in decision making.
4. Divide the household tasks equitably. Many women who work outside the home complain that
they are responsible for too many household responsibilities. When household chores are divided
unequally, conflict is probable.
5. Take turns being inconvenienced. Responsibilities can be shared by doing things turn by turn.
6. Develop adequate systems for childcare. Women usually devote a big part of their time for
children. Fathers should also play their due role in childcare.
7. Decide who pays for what. In one study, it was shown that the "big pool" arrangement for dividing
expenses led to the most satisfaction. This arrangement includes a joint account and personal
spending money.
Keeping your relationship vibrant
One of the major challenges in personal life is to keep a relationship with the spouse vibrant. Many
relationships that begin with enthusiasm end in a dull routine and separation. The relationships turning into
routines may be avoided by taking some corrective measures with a little effort.
A. Keep warmth in the relationships
Warmth in a relationship may not last very long but must be renewed and revived intermittently. By
breaking the monotony of life relationships can be kept vibrant. It can be done by changing the job,
changing the city, being away from routine life for some time etc.
B. Hold Communication Sessions
One way to keep a relationship vibrant is to hold formal communication sessions in which you tell each
other almost everything on your mind. Yet avoid damaging, hurtful thoughts. Brief communication sessions
are particularly needed when you travel together because so many relationships take a turn while traveling.
Share your feelings and problems.
C. Strive for Novelty in Your Relationship
A little creativity can go a long way in enhancing a relationship. Try pleasant surprises to keep your
relationship vibrant and fun. Arrange a trip, buy a gift, etc.
D. Take an Optimistic View of the Relationship
Viewing your partner positively will often help the relationship to endure. Viewing your partner positively
will often help the relationship stay romantic, and endure. A ten-year study suggested that couples endure
who see each other through rose-colored glasses, and show positive behaviour toward each other. More
recent research by Gottman and his colleagues revealed that strong marriages have at least a five-to-one
ratio of positive to negative interactions (as revealed by videotapes). As the ratio begins to drop, the
marriage is at high risk for divorce.
E. Maintain a Non-possessive Relationship
In emerging social environment, non-possessive relationship will be more successful. The non-possessive
relationship is one in which both partners maintain separate identities and strive for personal fulfillment.
Yet both partners are still committed to each other.
Dubrin, A.J. (2005). Human Relations: Career and Personal Success. Upper Saddle River, New Jersey,
Table of Contents:
  1. HUMAN RELATIONS:Some Guidelines for Effective Human Relations, Communication has 3meanings
  2. CULTURE AND PERSONALITY:Definition of sub culture, Definition of Personality, Types of Persons
  4. PERCEPTION AND INDIVIDUAL BEHAVIOUR:Three concepts of personality, Bias in Perception
  5. PERCEPTION AND GROUP BEHAVIOR:Characteristics of Groups, Individual and Group Behavior
  6. ATTITUDE AND BEHAVIOUR:Types of Attitudes, Steps to turn attitude into action
  7. PERSONAL MOTIVATION AND ACHIEVEMENT:Needs and Motivation, Self-discipline and motivation
  8. SOLVING PROBLEMS SKILLFULLY:Problem solving and cognition, Ways to solve problems
  9. CREATIVITY IN PROBLEM SOLVING:Barriers to creativity, Tips to solve problems creatively
  10. HANDLING PERSONAL ISSUES:Self-Defeating Behaviour, Positive attitude to tackle personal problems
  12. COMMUNICATION AND HUMAN RELATIONS:Process of communication, Improving gender barriers to communication
  13. ORGANIZATIONAL COMMUNICATION:To improve listening skills, Types of organizational communication
  14. UNDERSTANDING COMMUNICATION STYLES:Modeling communication style, Sociability continuum
  15. SELF-ESTEEM:Building process of self-esteem, Self-esteem and public image
  16. BUILDING SELF-CONFIDENCE:The importance of self-confidence and self-efficacy, Balanced Self-Confidence:
  17. BECOMING A LEADER-1:Assessing leadership role, Traits and Characteristics of Effective Leaders
  18. BECOMING A LEADER-II:Theories of leadership, Developing leadership potential
  19. GLOBALIZATION AND CROSS-CULTURAL DIFFERENCES:Religious Values and Bicultural Identities
  20. IMPROVING CROSS-CULTURAL COMPETENCE:Strategies to improve cross-cultural relations, More steps to improve Cultural Relations
  21. BUILDING GOOD RELATIONS WITH MANAGERS:Impressing your manager, Coping with a problem manager
  22. BUILDING GOOD RELATIONS WITH CO-WORKERS:Make Co-workers feel important, Maintain Honest and Open Relationships
  23. BUILDING GOOD RELATIONS WITH CUSTOMERS:Salesperson Represents the Business, Approaching the Customer, Excuses vs. Objections
  24. CHOOSING A CAREER-1:Ten Myths about Choosing a Career, Attitude toward and Perceptions about Myself
  25. CHOOSING A CAREER-II:Choosing a career and developing a portfolio Career, Suggestions for career Preparation
  26. FINDING A JOB:Targeting your job search, The Internet and Résumé Database Services, Extreme Job Hunting
  27. SIGNIFICANCE OF RESUME:Major types of resumes, Electronic Submission of the Résumé
  28. IMPROVING INTERVIEW SKILLS:Successful interview, Knowing the employer or Organization
  29. IMPROVING WORK HABITS-1:Reasons of procrastination, Techniques for Reducing Procrastination
  30. IMPROVING WORK HABITS-2:Developing the proper attitudes and values, Time-management techniques
  32. TAKING CONTROL OF YOURSELF:Develop Outstanding Interpersonal Skills, Business etiquettes
  33. EXERTING CONTROL ON OUTSIDE ENVIRONMENT:Important communication tip, Exerting control over the outside world
  34. MANAGING PERSONAL FINANCES-1:Your personal financial plan, Steps in budget making
  35. MANAGING PERSONAL FINANCES-2:Basic investment principles, Tolerance for Investment Risks, Types of investments
  36. ACHIEVING HAPPINESS-1:Finding happiness and enhancing your personal life, The key to happiness
  37. ACHIEVING HAPPINESS-2:The Five Principles of Psychological Functioning, Your mind and Happiness
  38. ACHIEVING HAPPINESS-3:Need for intimacy, Working out issues with relationships
  39. APATHY AND ITS REMEDIES:Let us try to understand the various definitions of apathy, Coping strategies for apathy
  40. ENHANCING PERSONAL ETHICS-1:Influence of Culture, Common ethical problems
  41. ENHANCING PERSONAL ETHICS-2:Common ethical problems, Guidelines for Behaving Ethically
  42. HELPING OTHERS GROW:Being a Nurturing, Positive Person, A list of mentoring behaviour, Coaching skills and techniques
  43. REVIEW-I:What is a Human Relation?, Meanings of Communication, Two types of stress, Some personal problem, Communication style
  44. REVIEW-II:Steps to build self-confidence, Globalization, Building Good Relations with Co-workers, Good work habits
  45. REVIEW-III:New model of career advancement, Choosing your investment, Tactics for Dealing with Difficult People